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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {